My Spam Blog

Try this… Chinese eye test—-ang galing

crisn — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:40:35 +0000

Too FUNNY not to pass on! Chinese eye test
THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese (kunyari “singkit” ka…) It works …

Forwarded by: Joylyn

Things you should not find in your Garden

crisn — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:29:38 +0000

things You Shouldn’t Find in Your Garden:Bend Over Apples

Big Hand Turnip

Foetus Tater?

I can’t believe this one!

Um… Redskins?

Peter Peppers?

Forwarded by: Terry

What women want

crisn — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:17:22 +0000

Lesson to be remembered!!

This is quite interesting. ….
(To women) Please take time to ponder…..
(To men) Just enjoy the story……

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom..
The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man. And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but first he would have to agree to her price.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, and Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.

He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden.

But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered.

Arthur’s question thus: ‘What a woman really wants?’
She said, ‘A woman wants to be in charge of her own life.’

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth, and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen was sitting by the bed.

The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth become her horrible and deformed self only half the time, and be the beautiful maiden the other half.

‘Which would you prefer?’ She asked him. ‘Beautiful during the day …. or at night?’
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?
But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous moments with?

(If you are a man reading this…) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this…) What would YOUR MAN’S choice be?
And Lancelot’s choice is given below…
BUT… please make YOUR choice first before you scroll down below… OKAY?

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
H
H
H
H
H
H

M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M

Knowing the answer the witch gave to Arthur for his question,
Sir Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time..
Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now… what is the moral to this story?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The moral is…
1) There is ‘witch’ in every woman, no matter how beautiful she is !
2) If you don’t let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly !

So, be careful how you treat a woman and always remember:
IT IS EITHER ‘ HER WAY ‘ OR IT IS ‘ NO WAY ‘ !!

Forwarded by: Noel S.

Kids are quick

crisn — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:32:55 +0000

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ’I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s… Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Forwarded by: wifey

what a leader!

crisn — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 04:45:59 +0000

Whole world Needs A Leader Like This!

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd – Australia

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks..

Separately, Rudd angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation’s mosques. Quote:

‘IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.. ‘

‘This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom’

‘We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!’

‘Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.’

‘We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.’

‘This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, ‘THE RIGHT TO LEAVE’..’

‘If you aren’t happy here then LEAVE. We didn’t force you to come here. You asked to be here.. So accept the country YOU accepted.’

Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves, WE will find the courage to start speaking and voicing the same truths.

If you agree please SEND THIS ON and ON to as many people as you know

Forwarded by: Terry

Church signs in the UK

crisn — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:09:21 +0000

Church signs in the UK

Our English cousins have always had a

way with words

Forwarded by: Sharon

Taiwan bed rooms!!

crisn — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 12:07:49 +0000

Forwarded by: Terry

Hold a True Friend and Don’t Let Go

crisn — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:30:52 +0000


Friends….. … They love you, but they are not your lover They care for you, but they are not from your family They are ready to share your pain, but they are not in your blood relation. They are……..FRIENDS! !!!! True friend…… .. Scolds like a DAD.. Cares like a MOM.. Teases like a SISTER.. Irritates like a BROTHER.. And finally loves U more than a LOVER. Send 2 all ur good friends even me if I am 1 of them. C how many u get back….

Forwarded by: Joy

BREATHING THERAPY for HEADACHE and TIREDNESS

crisn — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 12:04:20 +0000

Our noses have left and right nostrils. Are these nostrils having the same function for inhaling / “breathe- in” and exhaling / “breathe- out”?.

Actually it’s not the same and we can feel the difference. Accordingly, the right side represents the sun / “heat” and the left side represents the moon / “cold”.

When having headache, try to close your right nostril and use your left nostril to do breathing for about 5 min. The headache will be gone.

If you feel too tired, do it the opposite way. Close your left nostril and breathe through your right nostril. After a while, you will feel refresh again. Because the right side belongs to heat, so it gets hot easily. The left side gets cold easily.

Women breathe mainly with their left nostril, so they get calm down easily. Men breathe mostly with their right nostril, so they get angry easily.

When we wake up, do we notice which nostril breathes faster? Is it the left side or the right side ? If the left nostril breathes faster, you will feel very tired. Close your left nostril and use your right nostril for breathing and you will get refresh quickly

You can teach your kids about it. The effect of breathing therapy is much better for adults.

I used to have painful headache. While consulting a doctor, he told me jokingly,” You will be all right if you get married!” The doctor did not bullshit me as he had his theory and supported with testimony. During that time, I used to have headache every night and I was not able to study. I took medicine but I was not cured.

One night as I sat down to meditate, I closed my right nostril and breathed with my left nostril. In less than a week, it seemed that my headache problem had left me! I continued doing it for about a month and since then there was no recurrence of headache in me.

This is my own experience. I used to tell others who also suffer headache to try this method as it was effective for me. It also works for those who have tried as well. This is a natural therapy, unlike taking medicines for a long time may have side effect. So, why don’t you try it out?.

Practice the correct ways of breathing / “breathe in and breathe out” and your body will be relaxed.

Forwarded by: Joylyn

European English:

crisn — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 10:32:46 +0000

European English:The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was
the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in
plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ’s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of
‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with
‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl .

Forwarded by: Julie Grace