CREEEEEEEPY!!!TRY IT!!!!!

if this picture doesn’t show up….it is 2 angels with a sled of gifts….1 pushing, 1 pulling the sled thru the snow…and the snow is still falling.



Ok guys, this truly is freaky, the
Phone literally rang as soon as I read
The last word of this email!!!!!I am taking the bait –
What do I have to lose right?
Hope it works!

Supposedly The Phone Will Ring
Right After You Do This.
Just read the little stories and
Think of a wish as you scroll all
The way to the bottom. There is
A message there – then make your
Wish.

No attachment on this one.

Stories

I’m 13 years old, and I wished
That my dad would come home from
The army, because he’d been having
Problems with his heart and right
Leg. It was 2:53 p .m.. When I made
My wish. At 3: 07 PM. (14 minutes
Later), the doorbell rang, and
There my Dad was, luggage and all!!

I’m Katie and I’m 20 and I’ve been
Having trouble in my job and on the
Verge of quitting. I made a simple
Wish that my boss would get a new
Job. That was at 1:35 and at 2:55
There was an announcement that he
Was promoted and was leaving for
Another city. Bel ieve me…this
Really works!!!

My name is Ann and I am 45 years
Of age. I had always been single
And had been hoping to get into a
Nice, loving relationship for many
Years. While kind of daydreaming(and right after receiving this email)
I wished that a quality person would
Finally come into my life. That was at
9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM
A FedEx delivery man came into my
Office.He was cute, polite and
Could not stop smiling at me. He
started coming back almost everyday (even without packages)and asked me out a week later . We married 6
Months later and now have been
Happily married for 2 years.

What a great email it was!!

Just scroll down to the end, but
While you do, think of a wish.
Make your wish when you have completed
Scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the
Number of minutes it will take for your
Wish to come true. Ex.you are 25 years
Old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish
To come true).
However, if you don’t send this to
People in 5 minutes, you will have bad
Luck for years!!
Go for it!!!

 
 

SCROLL DOWN!!!!
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STOP!!!
Congratulations!!! Your wish will
Now come true in your age minutes.
Now follow this carefully….it
Can be very rewarding!!!!
If you send this to 10 more
People, other than the 5 that you
Already have to send to, something
Major that you’ve been wanting
Will happen.
Message: This is scary!

The phone will ring right after
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
 

 



You do this .

 

 

(NOTE: This is classic chain email)
Forwarded by: Jade

Animation credit: unknown

Advertisements

American Courts

> These are from a book called Disorder in the
> American Courts, and are
> things people actually said in court, word for word,
> taken down and
> now published by court reporters who had the torment
> of staying calm
> while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> WITNESS: July 18th.
> ATTORNEY: What year?
> WITNESS: Every year.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
> your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something you forgot?
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
> you?
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t
> remember which.
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
> to you that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a
> person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next
> morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________ _! ________
> ____________ _________ _________ ___
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how
> old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one..
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
> taken?
> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
> was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh….
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
> pursuant to a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
> you performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
> people.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
> school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
> the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
> why I was doing an
> autopsy on him!
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh?
>
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
>
> AND THE WINNER GOES TO…….
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
> did you check for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
> was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in
> a jar.
> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been
> alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
> alive and practicing law
>

Forwarded by: Wifey

Interesting Conversation

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new Christian students to stand and…..

Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?

Student : Yes, sir.

Prof: So you believe in God

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student : Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student : Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.

Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t.

How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student :Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student : No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student : From…God…

Prof: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?

All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student :Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the

world around you. Tell me, son…Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student : No , sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God?

Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says

your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student : No sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat,

white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold.

We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go

any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we

use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.

Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something.

You can have low light, normal light , bright light, flashing light….But if you

have no light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it?

In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness

darker, wouldn’t you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality.

You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God.

You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.

Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism,

but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death a s

the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a

substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.

Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a

monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his h ead with a smile, beginning to realize where the

argument is going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not

teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class breaks out int o laughter.)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?…..No one appears to have done so.

So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable

protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.

With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face

unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH.

That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

NB:

I believe you have enjoyed the conversation…and if so…you’ll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same…won’t you?…forward them to increase their knowledge…

Forwarded by: Nedie

A Dozen Ways to Get to Know Your Real Partner

Here are the dozen indicators:

1. Protocol: First or Second? Whether it’s walking through a door, ordering dinner, or taking a bite out of the freshly baked cookies you have made together, if your partner always have to go first this could indicate self- centeredness. Are you willing to always be the giver?

2. Politics: Liberal or Conservative? How your partner views what is right or wrong in a political sense tells you a lot about his deep inner beliefs about society, and ultimately, the way he will approach your relationship issues. Will his views cause a rift in your relationship?

3. Television: Sitcoms or News? If his tendency is to watch “escape” TV programs versus “newsy/event” oriented ones, you can learn a lot about one’s intellect. Do you want a mate who can keep up with your every day interest in what is going on in the world or a person you can run away with to avoid the world we live in?

4. Money: Flash or Stash? If your partner throws money around while dating, he might well be reckless with your joint finances when you move in together. Do you want to hook up with a tightwad or splurger?

5. Stress: Freak or Peak? Under Pressure, does he go to pieces or rise to the top of his game? If the answer is the former, every minor incident in your relationship might become a crisis. Do you like a lot of drama?

6. Conversation: About You or Him? As you first get to know each other does he always talk about himself first or you? If he is usually the topic priority do not expect that to change. Can you subordinate yourself to the world revolving around him?

7. Pets: Warm or Aloof? Believe it or not, the way in which he treats animals will not be dissimilar to how he treats your children. How do you want him to treat your loved ones?

8. Communication: Listens or Ignores? If you have something you want to talk about and he tunes you out as a general rule, can you cope?

9. Strangers: Kind or Rude? How he treats those they do not know (waiters, grocery clerks) often reflects on how he will treat people in general, including you, shortly after the glow wears off.

10. Priorities: Family or Work? You can tell almost immediately where a person’s preferences lie in terms of what comes first (a family member’s illness or a business trip) by the choices he makes when faced with an “either/or” situation. Do you care if he leaves on the next plane to present the such-and-such report if you or the kids have pneumonia?

11. Appearance: Fat or Fit? How he regards his appearance screams loudly about his sense of self-esteem. Those who eat sensibly, workout reasonably, and who take pride in their appearance are the ones who have a great sense of self. Does he really have self-confidence or might it be a front?

12. Faith: Strong or Weak? If you want a peak at his soul, learn more about his spirituality, or lack of it. What a person believes deep down is often what shapes the way in which they conduct their day-to-day affairs. What is your mate’s “words to live by?”

 

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Wifey

Author: unknown

Chinese Proverbs

Virginity  like bubble, one prick, all gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  run in front of car get tired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  run behind car get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with  hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Foolish  man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright  organ.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok  .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with  one chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

Man who  scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

*  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  eat many prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball  is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Panties  not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does  not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who  put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take  many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  drive like hell, bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  stand on toilet is high on pot.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

*~*~*~*~*~!  *~*~*~*~*

Man who  fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who  fart in church sit in own pew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded  elevator smell different to midget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Now  send it to 10 or more people.

Nothing  will happen but 10 people will be laughing

Forwarded by: Wifey

COLOR OF YOUR BIRTHDAY

If you are honest, this tells the truth. It’s pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper,

1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow ?  

2. Your first initial?    

3. Your month of birth?   

4. Which color do you like more, black or white?   

5. Na me of a person of the same sex as yours.   

6. Your favorite number?  

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?   

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?   

9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).    

When you’re done, scroll down. (Don’t cheat!)


 

 

Answers

1. If you choose:
Red – You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black – You are conservative and aggressive.
Green
– Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow – You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

2. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone tot ally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec:
Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person is your best friend.

6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

7. If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.

8. If you chose:
Lake
: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean:
You are spontaneous and like to please people.

9. This wish will come true only if you send this to five people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next birthday

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Terry

I am Thankful

 

 

  
I AM THANKFUL:  FOR THE WIFE 
WHO SAYS IT’S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, 
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, 
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND 
WHO IS ON THE SOFA 
BEING A COUCH POTATO, 
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME 
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
 



FOR THE TEENAGER
 
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES 
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, 
NOT ON THE STREETS.
 


FOR THE TAXES I PAY 
BECAUSE IT MEANS 
I AM EMPLOYED 

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY 
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE 
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS. 


FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG 
BECAUSE IT MEANS 
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT. 


FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK 
BECAUSE IT MEANS 
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE 


FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, 
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, 
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING 
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

 

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING 
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT 
BECAUSE IT MEANS 
WE HAVE FREEDOM O F SPEECH. 


FOR THE PARKING SPOT 
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT 
BECAUSE I T MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING 
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION . 


FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL 
BECAUSE IT MEANS 
I AM WARM. 

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH 
WHO SINGS OFF KE Y BECAUSE IT MEANS 
I CAN HEAR. 

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING 
BECAUSE IT MEANS 
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
 

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES 
AT THE END OF THE DAY 
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD. 

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF 
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS 
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
 

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL 

BECAUSE   IT MEANS I HAVE 
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.
 

SEND THIS TO SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT. I JUST DID. 

Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart! 

 

 

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Wifey
Illustration credit: unknown