POTS

An elderly Chinese woman had  two large pots,
each hung on the ends of a pole  
which she carried across her  neck.

 

One of the pots had a  crack in it while the other pot
was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the  long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

 

For a full two years this went on daily,
with the woman bringing home only one
and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do
half of what it had been made to do.

 

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure,
it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

 

“I am ashamed of  myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”

 

The old woman smiled,  “Did you notice that
there are flowers on your side of the path,
but not on the other pot’s  side?”

 

“That’s because I have always known about your flaw,
so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,
and every day while we walk back, you  water them.”

 

“For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.  Without you  being
just the way you are, there would not be
this beauty to grace the house.”

 

Each of us has our own unique flaw.  
But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make
our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

 

You’ve just got to take each person for what they are
and look for the good in them.

 

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day
and remember to smell the flowers
on your side of  the path

 

 

Forwarded by: Terry

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1st Graders

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class.  She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.  It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.  Their insight may surprise you.  While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
 
 

1. Don’t change horses until they stop running.
2. Strike while the bug is close.
3. It’s always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but How?
6. Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.
7. No news is impossible
8. A miss is as good as a Mr.
9. You can’t teach an old dog new Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14. Where there’s smoke there’s pollution.
15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is not much.
17. Two’s company, three’s the Musketeers.
18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don’t succeed get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you
See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.

                      And the WINNER and last one!  

26. Better late than Pregnant

 

 

Forwarded by: Terry

Everyone has two choices

HEY GUYS IMAGINE IF ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE FULL OF LOVE LIFE WOULD BE A BREEZE.

 

Albert Einstein once said, “Everyone has two choices. We’re either full of
love…or full of fear.”


This could not be more true. Look around you. I bet you can determine
whether someone is filled with love or fear in a matter of seconds. People
who are filled with love (or at least getting there!) are optimistic,
excited, helping, listening, cheering go-getters ­ it shows on their face,
in their spirit and seems to refresh everyone they meet. Those filled with
fear are paranoid, pessimistic, envious, demanding, overbearing downers ­
it shows on their face, in their spirit and seems to suck the life out of
everyone they meet.

 

Which one are you? Are you filled with fear or love? Or are you a
combination of the two? Which one do you want to be?
That’s a silly question. You want to be full of love.
So, why aren’t we all full of love for everyone, including ourselves?
Maybe it’s just easier. You don’t have to put forth much of an effort to
be a pessimist. Heck, the world seems to be geared toward SATISFYING
pessimists. Just listen to the nightly news or read the morning paper.

Nothing but bad news and more bad news!

 

But I’m here to tell you ­ that’s no excuse. If you want something, you
have to work for it. Creating a positive attitude based in love takes
work ­ especially when almost everyone around you is telling you, “Why
bother? The sky is just going to fall in anyway.” Let them talk. Their
negative Chicken Little belongs to them. Not you.

 

Change your attitude, and your outlook changes with it. This, in turn,
will change your life and change your results ­ period. It just takes
consistent and conscious effort to stay in that place of warmth and
positivity.

THIS WEEK’S LESSON
The opinions or negativity of other people do not have to become your
reality. You determine whether you allow that to happen. It all starts in
your mind.

 

You need to have a strong self-image and belief system within you ­ an
impenetrable core based on a positive, optimistic, anything-is-possible
mindset ­ so that when those negative folks start jabbering, you can sit
quietly within yourself and know who you are.

 

When you’re trying to be more optimistic and filled with love, you can TRY
to avoid those people who bring others down, draining the very life-blood
of hope and possibility, but . . . unfortunately, this avoidance tactic
rarely works.

 

They will find you! Once you have embraced a positive, energy-filled,
think-out-of-the-box, the-sky-is-not-the-limit mindset, these people are
somehow automatically drawn to you, like bees to honey.

 

Don’t worry. It’s just a test. The Universe wants to know if you’re
serious about your new way of living. Don’t be afraid of the test ­ just
look these people square in the eye with love and joy, and sit there
within yourself knowing that they sadly just ­ don’t ­ get ­ it. They
don’t understand that life wants them to be successful and receive
abundance. They believe that everything is a struggle and there is only a
limited supply that everyone must fight for. They don’t get it, and they
won’t get you. They may even challenge the new you.

 

This hardly gives you the permission to look down on these people, or
think snidely of them in any way, shape or form. You’re not better than
they are. You may be more consciously aware and living in more abundance
and gratitude, but that doesn’t make you better than them. Understand
that these people are suffering. They are suffering from lack of
self-esteem, lack of energy, lack of love. You don’t have to explain your
new attitude ­ they will sense it immediately. That’s what has drawn them
to you in the first place. Your new self is now radiating energy out and
attracting people to you.

 

At the same time, their being drawn to you, does not mean that you should
spend all of your energy trying to change them. In many cases, your kind-
hearted efforts will deplete your energy levels. The best way you can help
these people is to be an example of what can happen when your mindset is
based in love and positivity.

 

“Great people choose to be greater than their problems. You have that
potential too.”

 

 

 

 

Forwarded by: MJ

 

Pinoy Excuse Letters

These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country.

1. My son is under a doctors care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
(Hala! Sige. Silya elektrika at bitay. Sabay pa! O kaya niyo yun?)

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
 (Pag nag-absent pala papatayin ka…Baka may rabies…)
3. Dear School : Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31.32, and also 33.
 ( Aba grabe to. Nasa kalendaryo pa ang birthday ko kung ganon. Hahaha!)
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
 (Ano daw???? )
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of
  a tree and misplaced his hip.
  (Hanapin natin!)
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
  (Bwehehehe..-. la ako masabi… Bwahahaha! Ganito kasi yan. Kinagat siya ni
   Lola sa noo sa gigil. Tapos nabali yung ngipin ng pustiso niya. Hahaha!!!)

7. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
  (Buti pa veins niya. Close sila. Hahahaha!!!)

8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
  (Aah…..eh.-…i…..-ow….u..-..)

9. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
 (So transsexual pala si Irving ?)

10. Sally wont be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
 ( Ala e! Mabuhay ang Patay!! Mayroong Himala!!!)

11. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could
   not breed well.

  (Stud service ba yung school nya? baka gremlins  siya.)

12. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
  (Ay grabe! Iba na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon. Hahaha!)

13. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
  throat,headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore
  throat,her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasnt the
  best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around,
  her father even got hot last night.
 (Hahaha, telenovela..-. bow. Makuwento siya ha… Kulang lang sa pansin…)

14. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get
  the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
 (Winner to!!!!!!!!!! Ang galing!!!! Puwede rin kaya sa office ito?)

 

 

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Wifey

 

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel

shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in

the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink

this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be

shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this

beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about

my liver.” ~ Jack Handy

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the

morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. ” ~ Frank

Sinatra

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time

with his fools.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”  ~

Henny Youngman

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”

~Stephen Wright

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.

When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go

to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” ~ Brian

O’Rourke

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

~ Benjamin Franklin

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind

is beer.

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the

wheel does

not go nearly as well with pizza.” ~ Dave Barry

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!

~ “Unknown”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Remember “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a

can!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of

Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the

Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here’s how it went:

 

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only

move as

fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the

slowest

and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural

selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and

health of

the

whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest

members.

 

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as

the

slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills

brain

cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain

cells

first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker

brain

cells,

making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why

you

always

feel smarter after a few beers.”

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Wifey