Because Everyone in Canada Lives in an Igloo :)

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010
WinterOlympics, these are some questions people from
all over the world are asking.  Believe it or not these questions about
Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.  
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so
how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then
just sit around and watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the
street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.

 Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto– can
I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
 A: Sure, it’s onl y Four thousand miles, take
lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in
Canada? (Sweden)
 A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

 Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in
Canada?  Can you send me a list of them
in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax?
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo
racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent
south of Europe.  Ca-na-da is that big
country to your North…oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary . Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact
us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir
? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country
bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
in Vancouver and in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the
fountain of youth.  Where can I sell it in Canada?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British
Columbia where the female population
 is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada?
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk
available all year round?(Germany)
 A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan
hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Ihave a question about a famous animal in
Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a
 kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
 A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very
violent, eating the brains of anyone
walking close to them. You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I
go? (USA)
 A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Please send this on to any Canadian (or others)
who you think will enjoy it as much as I did.



Forwarded by: Wifey



A Blonde goes to Wal-Mart to buy curtains.  She tells the salesman, ‘I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.’The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, ‘Seventeen inches.’

‘Seventeen inches?’ asked the salesman. ‘That sounds very small. What room are they for?’

The blonde says, ‘They aren’t for a room. They are for my new computer monitor.

‘The surprised salesman replies, ‘But Miss, computers do not need curtains!’

The blonde says, ‘Hellllooooooooo … I’ve got Windoooooows…


Forwarded by: Jamie M.

Illustration credit: unknown