good thing ur bike doesn’t run on other liquids

over the weekend, xyz filled up his car’s fuel tank, and he thought fuel has become really expensive after the recent price hike. But then he compared it with other common liquids and did some quick calculations, and he felt a little better. To know why, see the results below you’ll be surprised at how outrageous some other prices are !

Diesel (regular) in Mumbai : Rs.36.08 per litre
Petrol (speed) in Mumbai : Rs.52 per litre
Coca Cola 330 ml can : Rs.20 = Rs.61 per litre
Dettol antiseptic 100 ml Rs.20 = Rs.200 per litre
Radiator coolant 500 ml Rs.160 = Rs.320 per litre
Pantene conditioner 400 ml Rs..165 = Rs.413 per litre
Medicinal mouthwash like Listerine 100 ml Rs.45 = Rs. 450 per litre
Red Bull 150 ml can : Rs.75 = Rs.500 per litre
Corex cough syrup 100 ml Rs.57 = Rs. 570 per litre
Evian water 500 ml Rs. 330 = Rs. 660 per litre
Rs. 500 for a litre of WATER???!!! And the buyers don’t even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Kores whiteout 15 ml Rs. 15 = Rs. 1000 per litre
Cup of coffee at any decent business hotel 150 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1167 per litre
Old Spice after shave lotion 100 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1750 per litre
Pure almond oil 25 ml Rs. 68 = Rs. 2720 per litre
And this is the REAL KICKER…
HP deskjet colour ink cartridge 21 ml Rs.1900 = Rs. 90476 per litre!!!
Now you know why computer printers are so cheap ? So they have you hooked for the ink !
So, the next time you’re at the pump, don’t curse our honorable Petroleum minister just be glad your car doesn’t run on cough syrup, after shave, coffee, or God forbid, printer ink

 

 

Forwarded by: Joy

The Origin

A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?
The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was
all mankind made.

Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered:
Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed.

The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys.

The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, while your father told you about his side…

 

 

Forwarded by: Joy

Exam Blues

 note: use your browser’s zoom to better read the test questions. you’ll love the answers…if you’re not the parents of these school kids.

 

 

 

 

Save the best for last: My personal favorite.

 

Forwarded by: Rix

Photo credits: unknown.

Pampalamig Ng Ulo

Misis :  Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister:  Guni-guni!
***
TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi siya mababastos?
SAGOT: ‘Uhm, excuse me, miss…Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?’

***
Aanhin ko ang napakalaking bahay, mamahaling sasakyan, milyun-milyong kayamanan, at masasarap na pagkain kung ang kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga iyun?!

***
Nanay:  Ano ‘tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?
Anak :   Hindi po ‘yan zero, ‘Nay. Naubusan lang ng star ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako ng moon! Moon lang ‘yan, ‘Nay, promise!

***
Mga sikat na salawikain:
Better late than pregnant.
Kapag may tiyaga, good luck!
Aanhin pa ang damo…kabayo ba ako?
Do unto others, then, run! Run! Run!
Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay lumaki sa ibang bansa.
Ang lalaking nagigipit, sa bakla kumakapit.    


***
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan:  Di ko po kilala.
Guro:  Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe:  Di ko rin po kilala..
Guro:  Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro:  Ma’m, baka po sa kabilang section sya!
***
Paano humamon ng AWAY ang …
BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!

***
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

***
Pedro: Pare balita ko bading ka daw. totoo ba?!
Ambo: Pare, Mga chismax lang ‘yun galing sa mga chuvanes na walang magawa sa mga chenilyn nila…. chura nila! hmpf!

***
Boy: Di na tuloy ang kasal natin
Girl: Bakit?!
Boy: Kuya mo kasi eh!
Girl:  Hindi no! Gusto ka ng Kuya ko!
Boy:  Yun nga eh…gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!

***
Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh… Lumalaban!!

***
BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital):  Hello… may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator:  Wala po, bakit?
Baliw:  Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!
***
Misis:  lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na prosti dito sa kanto.
Timing (dumaan ang mister nya….)
Misis:  Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba?
Mister:  Yoko sayo…kamukha mo misis ko!

 
***
American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino:
American:  Use my name 4 times in a sentence!
Pedro:  Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimmingPaul.

 
***
Biyaya na makukuha sa Gulay:
AMPALAYA –  pampapula ng dugo
KALABASA –  pampalinaw ng mata
TALONG –  pampatirik ng mata
MANI –  pampatirik ng TALONG. Ay! nalito na ako.

***

Quote for the Day…
Ang Buhay ay parang bato…it’s Hard.***
Kapag may kaaway ka, tandaan mo….dito lang ako… dito lang talaga ako…tapos dyan ka lang, wag kang pupunta dito! Baka madamay ako.

 

***
Prospective Employer to Applicant: ‘ So why did you leave your previous job?’
Applicant: ‘ The company relocated and they did not tell me where!’

***
Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko…
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.

 

 

Forwarded by: Romelee

Water or Coke?

WATER

#2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak
that it is mistaken for hunger.


#3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one’s metabolism as 3%.



#5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.


#6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of
water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain
for up to 80% of sufferers.


#7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on
the computer screen or on a ! printed page.


#8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of
colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast
cancer by 79%., and one is 50% less likely to develop
bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water
you should drink every day?

COKE

#1.  75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
(Likely applies to half the world population)

#4.  One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs
for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of
Washington study.




#3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the
toilet bowl and let the “real thing” sit for one hour,
then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes
stains from vitreous China .








or Coke?

#1. In many states the highway patrol carries
two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from
the highway after a car accident.

#2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke
and it will be gone in two days.

#4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers:
Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds
Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

#5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour
a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble
away the corrosion.

#6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola
to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

#7.  To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into
the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake.
Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix
with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

#8… To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke
into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run
through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen
grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your
windshield.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

#1. the active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric
acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major
contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis.

#2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) the
commercial trucks must use a hazardous Material place
cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

#3.    The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean
engines of the trucks for about 20 years!

Now the question is, would you like a glass of water?

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Filemon (thru tup-vians yahoogroups)

(Note: My answer whether Coke or water? Coca-Cola is it!!! Water is boring…just kidding. Moderation is the key so Coke is definitely not out for me.)

Ano Daw?

Ako’y nalilito dito…

Bakit tinatawag na rush hour ang isang oras pero pinakamabagal naman ang trapiko sa kalsada

Bakit ang Boxing Rings ay Square dapat bilog di ba?

Bakit pag nagmamaneho tayo ng sasakyan at hinahanap natin yung isang address. bakit pa natin hinihina o pinapatay ang volume ng radio, eh mata naman ang ginagamit dun at hindi tenga, di ba?

Bakit tinawag na lipstick kung nagagalaw mo pa din ang lips mo pagkatapos mong maglagay nun, di ba?

Kung walang dumidikit sa teflon (kaldero at kawali) paano dinikit ang teflon sa base ng mga kaldero at kawali?

Bakit ang tawag sa mga taong nagiinvest ng pera ay Broker?

Bakit ang mga Lemon juice ay gawa sa artificial na flavor samantala ang mga dishwashing liquids ay gawa sa real lemon?

Kung bang nabubuhay si Harry Houdini, nil-lock pa ba niya ang kanyang sasakyan?

Kung ang alak ay galing sa ubas at hinintay ng matagal na panahon para sumasarap, eh bakit nde na lang gawin natin ang alak sa pasas kug hihintayin pa natin ang panahon para sumasarap?

Bakit ang tawag sa Third hand sa relo ay second hand?

Bakit ang hindi pedeng matulog o magpahinga sa mga Restroom?

Kung tatanggalin mo ang pakpak ng butterfly pede mo na bang tawaging butterwalk?

Fly pa ba din ang tawag kung natanggalan na sila ng pakpak?

Bakit tayo nagddrive sa parkway at nagppark naman tayo sa driveway?

Bakit ang mga briefs ay may butas sa gitna, alam naman natin na walang silbi ang mga yun?

Pagnakasuot ka bang ng slippers ikaw ba ay madudulas?

 

Forwarded by: Wifey

 

 

 

 

WE’RE NOT CRAZY, WE’RE JUST CATHOLIC!

——–Reasons why people think we’re “crazy”———

– We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.

– Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast buns they’re always selling after Mass

Purgatory.

– Infant Baptism isn’t dumb; it’s after-life insurance.

– A 5.00 note in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has hit the lottery.

– A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.

– Every Catholic Guy tries to sit next the really hot girl they like at Mass. This is because they really want to hug during “Peace Be With You” and hold hands for the “Our Father”

– We really like statues. A lot.

– After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it’ll hang over their head til the next time.

– Contraceptives? Why?

– Altar boys continue well into their twenties.

– The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.

– “Peace Be With You” is just a way to meet pretty girls.

– We’ve always been taught that celibacy till marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said…

– “Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday“.

– The Mass doesn’t start for a few minutes not because of tardy parishioners. It’s because the priest is running late.

– We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.

– There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.

– Bazaars are a way of life.

– Your knees are more calloused than your feet.

– Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.

– The Catholic way of dealing with a mid-life crisis is having another kid.

– Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We’re a little stubborn.

– Catholic School Girls.

– Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.

– Episcopalians are referred to as “Diet Catholics”

– You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.

– We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we’ll still read it if nothing else is goin on.

– We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning

– Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.

– There’s no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary.

– It’s not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.

– Confession. Enough said.

– Who created Family Guy? Oh yeah, a Catholic!

– Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says “May the Force Be With You”, we get the urge to say “And Also With You”

– The Pope does indeed wear a funny hat. But it’s way more interesting than Joel Osteen’s suit and tie.

– If you see a guy leaning forward, looking half-dead with his head on the pew in front of him… he’s not praying. He’s hungover and was guilted into coming to Mass anyway.

– Even though you never met her or been to a country she’s been in, you’re still willing to have “seen” a miracle by Mother Teresa.

– We’re the oldest Christian religion. Period.

Forwarded by: Wifey

(by the way, I’m a Catholic)