The International Council of Man laws Ltd.
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts buttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies!!!
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. Moaning about the brand of free alcohol in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of fart entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend J
11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sun bathing on a tropical beach … And it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever!! Issue closed. For the dumb ones Speedos are a pair of over exposed and super tight swimming kacchas for men!!! Now stop googling it u perverts!!! And if ur a man googling it …. OMG STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!
15. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16. Women who claim they ‘love to watch sports’ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last cup of alcohol or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just called being greedy!!!!
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer J
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding s*x pending your response.
A) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
B) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
C) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly ‘just a friend’ have carnal, drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. It has been proven that an early morning session helps u live longer!!
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
27. The girl who replies to the question ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ with ‘If you loved me, you’d know what I want!’ GET AN XBOX!!! End of story.
28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever!!!!
29. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
‘GUTS’ is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, And having the guts to say, ‘are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?’
‘BALLS’ is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the a*s and having the balls to say, ‘You’re next Fatty!’
We hope this clears up any confusion!!
Forwarded by: Joy
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