JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE

 

 


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

 

 

***
What is a Yankee?


The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

 

***


What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?


The position of the dirt bag

 

***


Why is divorce so expensive?


Because it’s worth it.

 

***

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

 

Doughnuts

 

 

***


Why is air a lot like sex?

 


Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

 

***

 

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

 

 

***


What do attorneys use for birth control?


Their personalities.

 

***

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

 


10 years and 45 lbs

 

***


What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?


45 minutes

 

***


What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?


Through his chest with a sharp knife

 

***


Why do men want to marry virgins?


They can’t stand criticism.


***


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?


Because those men already have boyfriends.

 

***


What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

 


After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

 

***


Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?


The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

 

***


Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?


Because they have cotton balls.

 

***


What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?


A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

 

***


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

 


‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

 

***


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?


Mace will do that to you.

 

***


Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?


Everyone has the same DNA.

 

***


Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

 


Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

 

***


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?


A different bar.

 

***


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?


They named him ‘Sum Ting Wong’


***


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?


A speech impediment


***


What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

 


A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.

 

***


How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

 


Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

 

 

***

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?


A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time ..’ –

A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this s**t….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Jamie

 

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