WE’RE NOT CRAZY, WE’RE JUST CATHOLIC!

——–Reasons why people think we’re “crazy”———

– We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.

– Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast buns they’re always selling after Mass

Purgatory.

– Infant Baptism isn’t dumb; it’s after-life insurance.

– A 5.00 note in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has hit the lottery.

– A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.

– Every Catholic Guy tries to sit next the really hot girl they like at Mass. This is because they really want to hug during “Peace Be With You” and hold hands for the “Our Father”

– We really like statues. A lot.

– After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it’ll hang over their head til the next time.

– Contraceptives? Why?

– Altar boys continue well into their twenties.

– The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.

– “Peace Be With You” is just a way to meet pretty girls.

– We’ve always been taught that celibacy till marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said…

– “Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday“.

– The Mass doesn’t start for a few minutes not because of tardy parishioners. It’s because the priest is running late.

– We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.

– There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.

– Bazaars are a way of life.

– Your knees are more calloused than your feet.

– Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.

– The Catholic way of dealing with a mid-life crisis is having another kid.

– Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We’re a little stubborn.

– Catholic School Girls.

– Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.

– Episcopalians are referred to as “Diet Catholics”

– You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.

– We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we’ll still read it if nothing else is goin on.

– We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning

– Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.

– There’s no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary.

– It’s not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.

– Confession. Enough said.

– Who created Family Guy? Oh yeah, a Catholic!

– Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says “May the Force Be With You”, we get the urge to say “And Also With You”

– The Pope does indeed wear a funny hat. But it’s way more interesting than Joel Osteen’s suit and tie.

– If you see a guy leaning forward, looking half-dead with his head on the pew in front of him… he’s not praying. He’s hungover and was guilted into coming to Mass anyway.

– Even though you never met her or been to a country she’s been in, you’re still willing to have “seen” a miracle by Mother Teresa.

– We’re the oldest Christian religion. Period.

Forwarded by: Wifey

(by the way, I’m a Catholic)

2 Comments

  1. Fanatically funny…just a play of words, but yes fanstastic observations that could bring smiles to the reader. It did to me at least.

  2. It is interesting that no one has picked up on the pope’s citation of Origen in the homily–namely, Origen’s insistence that pagans such as Hindus can’t love or reason. I’m surprised India hasn’t objected to the insult.
    Source: http://deligentia.wordpress.com/2009/12/26/ratzinger-at-the-vatican-hindus-cant-love/


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