Honesty vs. Practicality

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. 

 

When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

 

The woodcutter told Him that he had dropped his axe into the water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

 

“Is this your axe?” God asked.

 

The woodcutter said “No”

 

God again went down and came up with a silver axe.

 

“Is this your axe?” God asked.

 

The woodcutter said “No”

 

God went down again and came up with an iron axe.

 

“Is this your axe?” God asked.

 

The woodcutter said “Yes”

 

God was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes.

 

The wood cutter went home happily.  One day while he was walking with his wife along the river, his wife fell into the river. 

 

When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

 

“My wife has fallen into the water” said the woodcutter.

 

God went down and came up with Jennifer Lopez.

 

“Is this your wife?” God asked.

 

“Yes” he said

 

God was furious, “YOOOOUUUU CHHHHEEAAAATTTT! !!! Now I am going to curse you!!!”

 

The woodcutter quickly said, “Forgive me My lord.  It is all a misunderstanding.  If I say “no” to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta Jones.  If I also say ‘No’ to her, you will finally come up with my wife and I will say ‘Yes’.  Then you will give all three to me.  I am a poor man.  I will not be able to look after all three.  So that’s why I have to say ‘Yes'”

 

Forwarded by: Rix

THE ONLY HOPE FOR THE PHILIPPINES

THE ONLY HOPE FOR THE PHILIPPINES
by Father James Reuter, S.J.

By her own admission, GMA (Gloria Macapagal Arroyo) rightfully
assessed that over the last decades; our republic has become one of
the weakest, steadily left behind by its more progressive neighbors.
Forty years ago, we were only second to Japan in economic stature, and
way ahead of Singapore , Hong Kong , Malaysia , and Thailand . Today,
at our present growth rate, it will take us 30 years to get to where
Thailand is.

1. A population of 160 Million;

2. Of those, 70 to 90 million (equivalent to our current population)
will live below the poverty line;

3. Our national debt is estimated to be at US$200B (compared to US
$28B when Marcos fled, and US$53B today);

4. We will be competing, not against Thailand or even Vietnam , but
against Bangladesh ;

5. We will be the most corrupt nation in Asia , if not in the world
(we’re already ranked 11th most corrupt nation by Transparency
International
) .

The signs are clear. Our nation is headed towards an irreversible path
of economic decline and moral decadence. It is not for lack of effort.
We’ve seen many men and women of integrity in and out of government,
NGOs, church groups & people’s organization devote themselves to the
task of nation-building, often times against insurmountable odds. But
not even two people’s revolutions, bloodless as they may be, have made
a dent in reversing this trend. At best, we have moved one step
forward, but three steps backward. We need a force far greater than
our collective efforts, as a people, can ever hope to muster. It is
time to move the battle to the spiritual realm. It’s time to claim
GOD’s promise of healing of the land for His people. It’s time to
gather GOD’s people on its knees to pray for the economic recovery and
moral reformation of our nation.

Is prayer really the answer? Before you dismiss this as just another
rambling of a religious fanatic, I’d like you to consider some lessons
we can glean from history. England ‘s ascendancy to world power was
preceded by the Reformation, a spiritual revival fueled by intense
prayers. The early American settlers built the foundation that would
make it the most powerful nation today – a strong faith in GOD and a
disciplined prayer life. Throughout its history, and especially at its
major turning points, waves of revival and prayer movement swept
across the land. In recent times, we see Korea as a nation
experiencing revival and in the process producing the largest
Christian church in the world today, led by Rev. Paul Yongi Cho. No
wonder it has emerged as a strong nation when other economies around
it are faltering.

Even from a purely secular viewpoint, it makes a lot of sense. For
here there is genuine humbling & seeking of GOD through prayer, moral
reformation necessarily follows. And this, in turn, will lead to
general prosperity. YES, we believe prayer can make a difference. It’s
our only hope.

Today, we launch this email brigade, to inform Filipinos from all over
the world to pray, as a people, for the economic recovery and moral
reformation of our nation. We do not ask for much. We only ask for 5
minutes of your time in a day, to forward this email to your close friends
and relatives. This is the kind of unity which can make a big
difference. Of course, if you feel strongly, as I do, about the power
of prayer, you can be more involved by starting your own prayer group
or prayer center.

We have tried people power twice; in both cases, it fell short. Maybe
it’s time to try prayer power. GOD never fails. Is there hope? YES! We
can rely on God’s promise, but we have to do our part. If we humble
ourselves and pray as a people, GOD will heal our land. By GOD’s
grace, we may yet see a better future for our children. “If My people,
who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek
My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from
Heaven, and will forgive their sins, and will heal their land.” 2
Chronicles 7:14.

If you care for your children and grandchildren, PLEASE pass this
on… Let’s not just abandon the Philippines .

 

Forwarded by: Noel S.

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN

> This is one of the nicest e-mails I have seen and is so
> true:
>
> I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me
> around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom
> filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the
> first section and said, ‘This is the Receiving Section.
>
> Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are
> received.’
>
> I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with
> so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous
> paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.
>
> Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the
> second section.
>
> The angel then said to me, ‘This is the Packaging and
> Delivery Section.
>
> ?
>
> Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are
> processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for
> them. ‘I noticed again how busy it was there. There were
> many angels working hard at that station, since so many
> blessings had been requested and were being packaged for
> delivery to Earth.
>
> Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped
> at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise,
> only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing.
> ‘This is the Acknowledgment Section,’ my angel
> friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed
> ‘How is it that there is no work going on here?’ I
> asked.
>
> ‘So sad,’ the angel sighed. ‘After people
> receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send
> back acknowledgments ..’
>
> ‘How does one acknowledge God’s blessings?’ I
> asked.
>
> ‘Simple,’ the angel answered. Just say, ‘Thank
> you, Lord.’
>
> ‘What blessings should they acknowledge? ‘ I asked.
>
> ‘If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your
> back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer
> than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in
> your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the
> top 8% of the world’s wealthy.’
>
> ‘And if you get this on your own computer, you are part
> of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity. ‘
>
> ‘If you woke up this morning with more health than
> illness … you are more blessed than the many who will not
> even survive this day .’
>
> ‘If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the
> loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the
> pangs of starvation … you are ahead of 700 million people
> in the world.’
>
> ‘If you can attend a church without the fear of
> harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and
> more blessed than three billion people in the world .’
>
> ‘If your parents are still alive and still married
> …you are very rare .’
>
> ‘If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not
> the norm, you’re unique to all those in doubt and
> despair.’
>
> Ok, what now? How can I start?
>
> If you can read this message, you just received a double
> blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special
> and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the
> world who cannot read at all.
>
> Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want,
> pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all
> are..
>
> ATTN:
>
> Acknowledge Dept.: ‘Thank you Lord, for giving me the
> ability to share this message and for giving me so many
> wonderful people to share it with.’

 

 

Forwarded by: Ryan Val

Breakfast at McDonald’s

 

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!):


 

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree…


 

The last class I had to take was Sociology…


 

The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with…


 

Her last project of the term was called, “Smile…”


 

The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions…


 

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So I thought this would be a piece of cake…


 

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald’s one crisp March morning…


 

It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son…


 

We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did…


 

I did not move an inch… an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside me as I turned to see why they had moved…

 

As I turned around I smelled a horrible “dirty body” smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men…


 

As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was “smiling”…


 

His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God’s Light as he searched for acceptance…


 

He said, “Good day” as he counted the few coins he had been clutching…


 

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation…


 

I held my tears as I stood there with them…


 

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted…


 

He said, “Coffee is all Miss” because that was all they could afford…

(If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm)


 

Then I really felt it – the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes…


 

That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action…


 

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray…


 

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman’s cold hand…


 

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, “Thank you…”


 

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, “I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope…”


 

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, “That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope…”


 

We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give…


 

We are not church goers, but we are believers…


 

That day showed me the pure Light of God’s sweet love…


 

I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand…


 

I turned in “my project” and the instructor read it…


 

Then she looked up at me and said,  “Can I share this?”


 

I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class…


 

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed…


 

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald’s, my son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student…


 

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:


 

UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE…


 

 Forwarded by: Terry

MICROWAVE OVEN – Dangerous!!! Take care of your health.

MICROWAVE OVEN Dangerous!!!!!!! Take care of your health.

Really useful this one….dont miss to study…..this is not a forward message….. plz study…

Important. Take care of your health.

(Note – The following link is from Ms. Nenah Sylver and found it of such importance that we are posting it hoping that the author will contact us so we can give full attribution.

“Below is a science fair project that my granddaughter did for 2006. In it she took filtered water and divided it into two parts. The first part she heated to boiling in a pan on the stove, and the second part she heated to boiling in a microwave. Then after cooling she used the water to water two identical plants to see if there would be any difference in the growth between the normal boiled water and the water boiled in a microwave. She was thinking that the structure or energy of the water may be compromised by microwave. As it turned out, even she was amazed at the difference.”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have known for years that the problem with microwaved anything is not the radiation people used to worry about, It’s how it corrupts the DNA in the food so the body can not recognize it. So the body wraps it in fat cells to protect itself from the dead food or it eliminates it fast. Think of all the Mothers heating up milk in these “Safe” appliances. What about the nurse in Canadathat warmed up blood for a transfusion patient and accidentally killed them when the blood went in dead. But the makers say it’s safe. But proof is in the pictures of living plants dying.

Ten Reasons to Throw out your Microwave Oven  

From the conclusions of the Swiss, Russian and German scientific clinical studies, we can no longer ignore the microwave oven sitting in our kitchens. Based on this research, we will conclude this article with the following:

1). Continually eating food processed from a microwave oven causes long term – permanent – brain damage by “shorting out” electrical impulses in the brain [de-polarizing or de-magnetizing the brain tissue].

2). The human body cannot metabolize [break down] the unknown by-products created in microwaved food.

3). Male and female hormone production is shut down and/or altered by continually eating microwaved foods.

4). The effects of microwaved food by-products are residual [long term, permanent] within the human body.

5). Minerals, vitamins, and nutrients of all microwaved food is reduced or altered so that the human body gets little or no benefit, or the human body absorbs altered compounds that cannot be broken down.

6). The minerals in vegetables are altered into cancerous free radicals when cooked in microwave ovens.

7). Microwaved foods cause stomach and intestinal cancerous growths [tumors]. This may explain the rapidly increased rate of colon cancer in America .

8). The prolonged eating of microwaved foods causes cancerous cells to increase in human blood.

9). Continual ingestion of microwaved food causes immune system deficiencies through lymph gland and blood serum alterations.

10). Eating microwaved food causes loss of memory, concentration, emotional instability, and a decrease of intelligence.

Have you tossed out your microwave oven yet? After you throw out your microwave, you can use a toaster oven as a replacement. It works well for most and is nearly as quick. The use of artificial microwave transmissions for subliminal psychological control, a.k.a. “brainwashing”, has also been proven. We’re attempting to obtain copies of the 1970’s Russian research documents and results written by Drs. Luria and Perov specifying their clinical experiments in this area.

Forwarded by: Noel S.

Why Am I Married

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
Or get married and wish you were dead.


__________

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’
‘Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.’

__________

 

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
‘Husband Wanted‘.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
‘You can have mine.’

__________

When a woman steals your husband,
There is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

__________


A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________

A little boy asked his father,
‘Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?’
Father replied, ‘I don’t know son, I’m still paying.’

__________

A young son asked,
‘Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
A man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?’
Dad replied, ‘That happens in every country, son.’

__________


Then there was a woman who said,
‘I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
And by then, it was too late.’

__________


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________

If you want your spouse to listen and
Pay strict attention to every word you say — talk in your sleep.

__________


Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________

First guy says, ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second guy remarks, ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’

__________

 

 

‘A Woman’s Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death’

__________

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, ‘Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.’

The blind man replies, ‘If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.’

Forwarded by: Mario

Budget Cuts Coming

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come
to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

  Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

  Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!

 

 

Forwarded by: Gel