Church signs in the UK

Church signs in the UK

Our English cousins have always had a

way with words

 

 

Forwarded by: Sharon

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Taiwan bed rooms!!

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Forwarded by: Terry

10 working tips for 2009

1) Do not get into trouble

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2)        Aim for greater heights

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3)        Stay focus on your job

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4)        Exercise to maintain good health

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5)        Practice Team work

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6)        Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back

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7)        Save for rainy days

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8)        Rest and relax

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9)        Always smile when your boss is around

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10)        Nothing is impossible

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Forwarded by: wifey

Dog for sale

Whether you own a dog or not,  you must
appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog.
Read the sales pitch!!!

Dog For Sale
Free to good home. Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
Most of them knew him as ‘Holy Shit.’

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Jamie

Why British signs are so much funnier than ours

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forwarded by: wifey

Photo credits: unknown

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

 

To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,


grandchildren,

nieces,

nephews,

or students…

here is something to make you chuckle.

 

 

Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God’s omnipotence did not extend

to His own children.

 

 

After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.

 

And the first thing he said was
‘ DON’T !


‘Don ‘t what
?
Adam replied.

 

‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’
God said.

 

 

 

‘Forbidden fruit ?
We have forbidden fruit
?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit
!

 

 

 

‘ No Way !
‘Yes way !

 

 

 

‘Do NOT eat the fruit !
said God.


 

 


‘Why ?

 

 

 

‘Because I am your Father and I said so !

 


God replied,
wondering why He hadn’t stopped
creation after making the elephants

 

 

A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked !

‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit
?
God asked.

 

 

 

 

‘Uh huh,’
Adam replied.

 

 

 

‘Then why did you ?
said the Father.

 

 

‘I don’t know,’
said Eve.
‘She started it !
Adam said.

 

 

 

‘Did not !
‘Did too
!
‘DID NOT !

 

 

 

Having had it with the two of them,
God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

 

 

 

 

  

 

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it,
don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you ?

 

 

 

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

 

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day

 

 

 

AND FINALLY:

 

 

 

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:


 

 

‘TAKE TWO ASPIRIN’
AND ‘KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN’!!! !!

 

 

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

 

!

 

1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

 

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward
for not killing your own children.

 

 

3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.

 

4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn’t have sa id

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own

6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Ronnie (thru batch90sjhs yahoogroups)

Photo credits: unknown

The Next American President is a Filipino

 

Forwarded by: Ronnie Florentino (thru tup-vians yahoogroups)

Photo credit: unknown

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