George Carlin’s Views on Aging




Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like
to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than
10 years old, you’re so excited about
aging that you think in fractions.


‘How old are you?’ I’m four and a half!’

You’re never thirty-six and a half.
You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key


You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back.
You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.


‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m gonna be 16!’ You could be 13,
but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . .
you become 21. Even the words sound

like a ceremony .
YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!


But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to
throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re
Just a sour-dumpling.

What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40.
Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you
REACH
50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE itto 60.
You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21,
TURN
30,
PUSH
40,
REACH
50
and

MAKE it
to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle;

you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards;
‘I Was JUST 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over
100, you become a little kid again. ‘I’m 100 and a half!’
May you all make it to a healthy
100 and a half!!


HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1.
Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height. Let the
doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them.’


2.
Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.


3.
Keep learning.
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind
is the devil’s workshop.’

And the devil’s name is
Alzheimer’s.


4.
Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh
often, long and loud. Laugh
until you gasp for breath.


6.
The tears happen.
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person, who is with
us our entire life, is ourselves.
Be
ALIVE while you are alive.

7.
Surround yourself with what you love ,
whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies, whatever.

Your home is your refuge .


8.
Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.

If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can

improve, get help.


9.
Don’t take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall,

even to the next county;
to a foreign country but

NOT to where the guilt is.


10.
Tell the people you
love that you love them
,

at every opportunity.


AND ALWAYS REMEMBER
:
Life is not measured by the
number of breaths we take,

but
by the moments that
take our breath away.

And if you don’t send this to at least 8 people
who cares?
But do share this with someone.
We all need to live life to
its fullest each day!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forwarded by: Mctin2 (thru tupvians yahoogroups)

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don’t tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH 

DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read .

Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked it out!

This is not one of those waste of time things, it’s fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758…

If you haven’t, add 1757.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times
you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE ! —— (Oh YES, it is!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

Forwarded by: Terry